Victor Borge Quotes

Borge excelled not only at prop-based, elaborate metahumor, but also at pithy quotations.  
Here are some of the most memorable:

"Laughter is the closest distance between two people."
"Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year."
"When an opera singer sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance."
"If I have caused one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that is my reward."
"I only know two pieces.  One is ‘Clare de Lune’ and the other one isn’t."
"He was happily married--but his wife wasn’t."
"The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer."